Friday, June 26, 2009

I Take Full Responsibility For His Death

That's right, I killed Michael Jackson. It's all my fault and I fully accept the consequences.

Yesterday afternoon, around 3pm some office folks and I were discussing Farrah Fawcetts' death. Someone said "Who do you think is the next one?" People bandied about Patrick Swayze, Amy Winehouse, and I thought for a moment and said "Michael Jackson." Hours later in my long car ride home, after finishing the fabulous and funny Dead By Dark audiobook I had been listening to all week, I got the call.

"Guess who died!"

"Farrah Fawcett."

"Well, yes, but guess who else!"

"Patrick Swayze?"

"No, Michael Jackson!"

"Holy CRAP! I killed him!"

That's right, at least I came out and admitted it. I would call to apologize but I don't think his family is ready to hear it yet. So instead I will wallow in my self-consuming guilt, knowing that I deprived the next generation of children the fear of thinking the Jackson-man is hiding in their closet at night.

Or, perhaps it is all a farce, like Elvis' death! He'd been having money trouble...perhaps he faked his own death to further his "King of Pop" reputation and give him a solid and irrifutible alibi for his future child molestation charges! "It can't be Michael Jackson, Timmy, he's dead!" Perfect alibi! Damn, he's good.


  1. Yowza, you have incredible powers! Can you tell me which stock will gain in the market today?

  2. Lynn, yes. Some. Some stocks will gain today..probably not mine, but some. That I guarantee!